Opinion

OPINIONATED STORYTELLING

Sorry, not Sorry

I realized I have been saying a lot of sorries these past months.

'Sorry, I will not be joining you to every single tourist spot you want to visit in town' (to guests who expected I would do just that). 

'Sorry I will not make it to central London for a coffee' (when not only I am not drinking coffee but also there are plenty of coffee shops 5 minutes from my house).

'Sorry, I don't feel like going out to dinner tonight' (when my oldest child is finally in bed and my pijamas and socks feel so comfortable).

'Sorry, I am not having 5 people over for drinks and dinner' (to husband who doesn't clean up afterwards but still expects me to cook and entertain without glasses of wine in hand). 

'Sorry, I have forgotten to pick up the dry cleaning today' (to husband who thinks my brain should be working 100% when reality and textbooks tell a different story).

'Sorry, laundry was not done today' (textbooks also say I should not be bending over to get clothes in, clothes out and... did I mention hanging?).

'Sorry, I am not traveling over summer' (just the thought of planning, packing, pushing bags, walking long airport distances, X-rays, unpacking... and oh, did I mention the laundry afterwards?).

'Sorry, I just don't feel like it tonight' (this is a tough one for your partner to understand, after all they are not the ones doing the human-growing, or any body part growing for that matter).

'Sorry, I haven't showered yet today' (to husband who hasn't yet realized that I am getting the household ready for the next 4 months when my attention will be directed towards more important stuff).

'Sorry, I am not cooking Saturday/Sunday' (in reality I could go for a burrata, mashed potato, a caesar salad or good ice cream everyday of the week now).

'Sorry, I do not feel like I must treasure these last (never ending) weeks' (even if it means I will never experience them again).

Baby comfy shoes

And so on.

What I have also realized is that I should not be apologizing so much. For anything. I have been pregnant now for almost 37 weeks so you would think that most people around you get it. My good friends and my mom certainly do and, thankfully, keep telling me to slow down and just relax.

To others I just want to - quietly - point finger to the huge belly. And repeat in a very passive aggressive tone: Sorry, not sorry.